Alex LyttleAs a pediatrician and father of three, I’ve heard some pretty funny things said by children. Here are my some of my favourites:

1. While my grandmother was very sick in the hospital and we were sitting around for a family dinner:

Wife: “This curried cauliflower is delicious. Where’d you get the recipe?”

Me: “My grandmother.”

Daughter: “Well I guess we won’t be having this anymore…”

2. Working at the hospital:

Young girl: “We’re going to vagina next week.”

Embarrassed looking mother: “You mean Regina sweetie.”

3. Walking in to find my daughter spraying her hamster with water:

Me: “What are you doing?”

Daughter: “Teaching my hamster to swim.”

Me: “That doesn’t really look like swimming.”

Daughter: Rolls her eyes. “First you have to teach them to like water.”

4. Walking through dog park with my daughter after she’d learned at school that big dogs don’t live as long as little dogs:

Man walks by with his Great Dane.

Daughter: “Wow mister, your dog sure isn’t going to live very long.”

Man continues to walk away looking very distraught.

5. When my daughter was 5 she was obsessed with getting a Pomeranian and spent countless hours trying to convince my wife and I to get one:

Daughter: “Dad, what’s your favourite kind of dog?”

Me: “Probably a Golden Retreiver.”

Daughter: “Okay, not including Golden Retrievers.”

Me: “Probably a lab.”

Daughter: “Okay, not including big dogs.”

Me: “Hmm… maybe a Westie.”

Daughter: “Okay, not including any dogs that you like.”

Me: “Probably a Pomeranian.”

Daughter: “YEEEESSSSSSSS!!!!!”

6. Preparing for our garage sale:

Daughter: “Okay, I’ve figured out what I’m going to sell stuff for.”

Me: “You did?”

Daughter: “Yep. I’m going to sell something for $50, something for $150, something for $300, something for $500. Then I’ll have $1000 and can buy a Pomeranian. I did the math.”

Me: “Great. Do you know what you’re going to sell?”

Daughter: Skipping away. “Nope!”

7. After moving to Vancouver my daughter has her first earthquake drill at school:

Me: “How was school today?”

Daughter: “Great!”

Me: “How was the earthquake drill?”

Daughter: “Awesome! Our class can’t wait for ‘The Big One’ so we can see what kinds of snacks and blankets are in the red backpack.”

8. After I had done some dangerous and probably frowned upon parenting thing and gotten lectured by my wife:

Me: Melodramatically turn to my daughter and say, “I’m a terrible father.”

Daughter: “You’re not a terrible father. You’re a good father with terrible ideas.”

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This list was originally going to have 10 quotes but my wife deemed two of them inappropriate. Please feel free to post your own quotes in the comments section below to complete the list… my wife will let you know if they’re acceptable…



  1. 5 year old Max: I’m going to marry Siri, she’s such a good conversationalist.

    Me: oh Ya, how’s that going to work?

    Max: why wouldn’t it work, i don’t have to share my stuff and my bed, and I have someone to talk to.

    Me: right, how silly of me. I think Siri will make a great wife for you one day.

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